Monday through Friday, the following CD’s are playing from my desktop pc… I read somewhere you can tell a lot about a person from what type of music they play most constantly – I beg to differ, but try analyzing this:
Best of Donna Summer
She makes my inner drag queen come alive. I’ve been known to start bar brawls on karaoke night. Me: “You know what time it is --- I aint waiting no more - give up the mic man, I mean woman, I mean Miss Thing… and give up those fierce stilettos while you are at it”. Her/Him/Her: “Oh My Goodness—clutching her, I mean his, I mean her pearls”.
*laughing at myself*
…also, Macarthur’s Park stops the voices in my head – unfortunately it stops both the good AND bad voices and brings visions of that yellow dress and damned sweet green icing flowing down.
*fix another martini, pass the glitter and eyelashes, and show me how you guys do that penis bend thing---I’m drunk enough to be interested now!!!*
Let yourself go freely and I'll show you things that you've dreamed of…
-Donna Summer’s “Dim All the Lights”
----------------------------
Emiko (Here Lies Tinkerbell)
Sarcasm & Sex – yup I will take two servings of each – okay, diet time is over, so make it three of each!! Her sounds, naked feeling, and ability to play piano with her foot spark quite a few things for me. Come over sweetie and bring a bottle.
*fanning below*
You seriously expect me to relax if you're holding back so much?
-Emiko’s “Lay”
----------------------------
Les Nubians (Princess Nubiennes)
As dark as some of the lyrics are, this CD reminds me of a much lighter time in my life when I was the hostess with the mostest. Throwing the parties that everyone wanted an invite for – and walking around with my glass in hand with Les Portes Du Souvenir (The Harbors Of The Memory) playing in the background. Italian marble beneath my comfy three-inch Via Spiga’s – Betsy Johnson rags swaying behind me. It was definitely an ultra femme time of my life.
*trying to be a lady while biting the broken cork from my 00 Casa Lapostolle Clos Apalta --- its so hard to be a lady while spitting cork, but if anyone can pull it off – its me! *
Elle a ouvert les portes du souvenir…
- Les Nubians’ “Les Portes Du Souvenir”
----------------------------
Maroon 5 (1.22.03 Acoustic)
Adam Levine in my living room wearing one of his white t shirts and strumming his guitar - me sitting in full lotus position, eyes closed and listening while drinking a cup of thick Spanish hot chocolate. Nirvana is just round the bend.
*close the windows please – this one is gonna be a screamer*
Hate to love and love to hate her like a broken record player back and forth and here and gone and on and on and on and on…
-Maroon 5’s “The Sun”
----------------------------
Seal (Human Being, Seal IV, and Seal 1994)
I love this artist. I love him. I love him. I love him. I can feel his music “on the inside part”.
*snicker*
I should have expected the engagement announcement to Heidi Klum, but I was really caught off guard.
Heidi – if you hurt my man, you will pay dearly.
*wiping tears, straightening my hair, and… awww (sobbing uncontrollably) I am a wreck about this*
----------------------------
Various Artists: St. Germain des Pres Café III
What’s NOT to love? One of the finest electro-jazz compilations EVER. The sounds take me to St. Germain’s Latin Quarter. I’m having a croissant at a little bistro after hitting up art galleries, book stores, and maybe a boutique even. I’m hip. I’m cool. I’m upbeat but not showing it. I’m wearing shades – even after sundown.
*makes me wanna not shave my legs*
Eric Pierre & Lady Gattica’s Channel Zero relaxes me and I sometimes stare into space – a warm feeling.
----------------------------
U2 – How to Dismantle and Atomic Bomb
Don’t hate. They did it again.
Period.
Again– don’t hate.
This is a HUGE ass pat for their old asses. Bono has once again been crowned Narcissist Supreme.
Yahweh in the flesh.
The end is not as fun as the start. Please stay a child somewhere in your heart.
-U2’s “Original of the Species”
----------------------------
I mostly listen to 103.5 in the mornings to unwind, the following CD’s are always on hand in my car in case I am feeling a bit “spicy”:
Lucy Pearl (Lucy Pearl)
Three great talents. Soulful. Funky. Sexy. Upbeat. Makes you take a look inside… also makes you nod your head shamelessly in traffic (I could win a Motor Mouth Episode belting out “Lucy Pearl’s Way” with no issue whatsoever). A former employer gave this CD to me. He had an undesirable personality, but his music definitely opened doors to a new sound for me.
Making love is what I wanna do But I need a true friend to make it come together
-Lucy Pearl’s “Lucy Pearl’s Way”
Love can make you warm Or it can make you very cold If you listen to your heart The truth will unfold
-Lucy Peal’s “Good Love”
----------------------------
Jazzyfatnastees (The Tortoise and the Hare) & Floetry (Floetic)
This was not my sort of vibe, but the most magnificent man on the planet earth introduced me to this music. I love and miss him dearly and these sounds are reflection his personality.
*this is the only man with whom I FULLY embrace my inner pinkness – grinning like a schoolgirl*
Something in the Way
-Jazzyfatnastees
If I Was a Bird
-Floetry
There are many discrepancies between my attitude and actions.
So what?
I’m self-governing, rational by my means, frank, and productive in things that bring personal happiness to me.
Yes, my attitude was gained through experience. No, I have no self-awareness or self-worth issues. Yes, I am emotionally greedy and not always concerned with fairness.
Most people act in their own interests, even if they sometimes mask their reasons with allusion to helping others. Even if helping others IS what is in your best interest. You are STILL serving yourself. Whatever works for you.
It’s okay.
Fess up.
Attitudes don’t always predict behavior – so what if others think it should?
I embrace my moral hypocrisy.
In many relationships, we see “red flags”, often times a little ways into the “situation” that classify candidates below standard. We then come to the realization that we don’t want to keep them around for an extended time.
And then the slow crawl to the dumping begins – or the “weaning stage”.
If you must, then do enjoy these substandard people for a season, but make it YOUR season – you start it, control the elements, and end it.
I have grown too self-centered to share myself with undeserving people, but I remember the enjoyment in wasting my time and energies in the past.
Ignorance was bliss.
Most people are far less interesting after a few months. In my “past life” I had a 60 day evaluation period. I would evaluate the person at the end of 60 days to determine if I should start the weaning process, minimizing the chances of stalking or bitter ending. I noticed that if I kept someone past 90 days, it took a far longer weaning period for their comfort. Unworthy people are more prone to react to breakups bitterly, or linger a lot longer than desired when kept longer than 60 days
So.
Be sure to make them fully aware. Day 61, start of the weaning period. Most people cant cope with you cold turkeying them.
It’s always best when meeting people with issues/baggage in the onset, recognize to them, wish them the best, and let them head off to deal with them. Most people have enough on their plates already – with no room to deal with the issues of others, and if not, should use time to add what they want –yoga or something worthwhile.
IF they appear to have potential to be worthy of your presence, tell them to call you in a few months once things have cleared up a bit.
It’s okay.
It’s your right.
If you can’t have what you want when you want it, and know for a fact the person is only season-worthy, screw it. Move forward and wish them the best in continuing on their screwed up path, or creating a path that works better for them.
Why frustrate yourself and waste your valuable time and energy?
Your way IS the only way. Make it work for you.
Donations not allowed – everything for personal use only (cant buy cars, home, education, etc for friends or family) – no significant profit from purchases allowed – just a bunch of wreckless spending for Self.
1. Hookers & Strippers (I’m just kidding but admit this as number one makes you chuckle a bit)
…seriously I’d do the following 20 things
1. Travel to the world’s best spas (you missed a spot Helga – yeah, right there Hans!)
2. Cosmetic surgery (no more sit-ups – EVER!)
3. Travel to world’s best restaurants (maybe I should do this BEFORE cosmetic surgery – and YES, this tour includes Eagle Ski Club in Gstaad)
4. VIP Partying (nothing like partying with a bunch of irresponsible folks who are just out for your money and attention – this may take a million alone)
5. Private concerts (that’s right Seal – I am the only one in the audience. Now sing for momma with your sexy self)
6. Private jet (gotta travel fast and in style)
7. Drugs for party folks (they are all strangers anyway right? As long as there is plenty of Ketel One and Delirium Tremens for me, I can just watch everyone else fry their little heads – more entertainment for ME)
8. Private charter to the moon (why not?)
9. Small home/villa/cabin purchases in a wine regions throughout the world (to get away from the shallow, arse kissing folks). …and also a condo in Manhattan and beach home in Bimini. Hell, maybe even another spot near a Russian vodka distillery – just for kicks.
10. Luxury cars and a boat (I need something nice to ride in while I blast my Hendrix on the wine country back roads, and a boat so that I might always throw in a line in Bimini – id also customize each)
11. Purchase a full set of Bach 2000 - The Complete Bach Edition and Commemorative Book for each of the abovementioned locations
12. Mini mansion for my dog (with perfectly manicured lawn and all)
13. Full time personal shopper for clothing (I’m lazy – remember?)
14. Top five wines of the world purchase (and yes, I’d drink them at the perfect occasions but save the Chateau d’Yquem for my daughter’s private wedding celebration)
15. Full time personal shopper for food (of course I’d cook myself – the kitchen is MINE)
16. Full time personal trainer (alpha male of course)
17. Full time personal groomer (pin my hair, scratch my back and clip my toe nails please – thank you)
18. Full time dog walker/trainer/pooper-scooper (he would also maintain the mini mansion grounds, per #11 - why not?)
19. Monthly trips with 5 close friends to a pin the tail on a location spot (blind fold me, pull out a globe and let’s see!!)
20. Drink only Kona Nigari spring water (ordering a case per month)
I’m pretty much spent after this, but if not, I’d purchase the entire Netflix database and hire someone to catalog it – maybe I’d keep this archive at my beach home in Bimini.
...and the cracks add character!
I find most people boring. Predictable. Mind-dumbing. Unexciting. Text-book.
When traditional male and female roles are being played in relationships, things work better. I often times play the traditional male role - guys like it initially and later it drives them mad.
I understand more than most people. Sometimes I have to point that out. Sometimes I pretend to be as limited as others because I am just exhausted.
Finding a worthwhile true alpha male is like finding a four-leaf clover in a mile long patch. I’ve only seen one in my entire life – I really wanna explore my inner pinkness with one (waaaaayyyy inner pinkness).
I enjoy drinking high-end vodka, sometimes in excess. The first sip is equivalent to the morning cigarette (I quit smoking over a year ago). Have you seen the “No Love, Try Vodka” artwork? http://www.jinwicked.com/en/art/paintings/nolovetryvodka.html
I dance naked when home alone, to Donna Summer or Incognito at full blast. I have no curtains in my room because the building near my home was abandoned for many years but its now high end condos starting at $500K. I might purchase some curtains soon.
I have hired illegal immigrants to do my housework, and I’ve found they take greater pride in their work. I am especially fond of those who don’t speak OR understand English so that we can happily insult each other openly.
I fart each morning before getting out of bed. My dog does too. She sleeps at the foot of my bed on her personal quilt. We both snore too.
I push the close button when people are nearing the elevator. I wanna slap hands when I see them stuck in the elevator door in an effort to stop the closing. I hate when people stand behind me in elevators – I wonder if they are staring at my hair.
I go past acceptable time periods between pedicures during winter months - especially when I am single. I have a home pedicure set but I just don’t make time to use it.
Dwarfs make me nervous. I feel like a bull in a china shop. When in their presence, I either stand still or move slowly in an effort not to break anything.
I eat too much Ethiopian food, and if I am not careful at times it comes through my pores. I don’t care when it does. Everything tastes better with Ethiopian butter on it.
I brazenly leave my cart in the parking lot near my car. Don’t they hire someone just to take that back to the cart docking area for me?
Self-help gurus are irritating. I also think they are all full of sh*t. I think I may create a self-help book for men titled “Making The First Move for Idiots”. I could use the extra cash.
I hate gin because it smells like Christmas tree. People who smell of it in bars make me wanna puke. Why not just dab pine sol behind your ears? Or maybe place some of those little car trees in your suit pocket.
I shake and or tap my left foot when really angry - right before I turn green and spin my head around.
I oftentimes fight back the urge to yell out or break out in dance or song during business meetings. I even had the urge to slap a speaker once. And no one would EVER hire me if they knew the things that cross my mind during interviews.
The world would be far more interesting if both men and women had fully developed breasts. My boyfriend would definitely flaunt a DD cup. I think men would be terminated for fondling themselves at the workplace, as women would if we had penises.
Yup. Lots of cracks here.
...and I feel REALLY remorseful (and I am a stranger to this particular feeling).
I don’t normally send holiday cards but I did manage to purchase a pack of 12 this year and sent them in response to cards I received.
Right around the first of this year, I received a blank envelope through my mail slot – enclosed was a holiday season card signed: From Lamont, your mailman.
I really meant to pick up a card JUST for him but it just never happened. I had a few days off a couple of weeks ago, and stayed home watching DVD’s of course -- I heard the mail slide through the slot. I ran downstairs to hang my head out of the door (with my Amstaff barking and growling uncontrollably beside me) and thanked him for the card.
I figured that was the least I could do since I didn’t really want to go out of my way to purchase a card for him.
I thought I was doing the “right” thing.
Boy was I ever wrong.
He has been delivering my mail everywhere but my house ever since. The only good side to this is that I finally had the opportunity to meet a few of my neighbors. BUT I have a gift package sent by someone very special that’s still lost in space.
He is such a cutie – I never expected him to react this way.
Lamont is really pissed.
Public parking, for me, has almost always been a pain in the arse, but I have recently grown a downright dislike to bother traveling to shopping spots just because of the process.
I am superior. Bad enough I have to deal with bad customer service and ignorant consumers.
I MUST draw the line. I won’t search and search for a parking space.
The first space I see is mine.
M’kay… My top two issues with parking:
--Handicapped Spaces
--Expectant Mother’s Spaces
For starters, there are just too many spaces for handicapped parkers. I mean, really – what are the chances of 50 cripples showing up to shop at Harris Teeter at the same time?
Idea: If the parker does not need a wheelchair while shopping, they probably don’t need to park close to the door. I mean – the spaces ARE for folks who have issues walking right?
I have a relative who has a handicapped sticker, yet she can walk a mall for five hours nonstop. HARDCORE SHE IS – she does not require food, drink, conversation, or a break during her shopping trips.
Maybe they should have Lazy Folks spaces for folks such as me who don’t really want to spend more than 30 minutes in a store. Or maybe Express Lane Shopper spaces for folks who just need to grab milk, batteries, condoms, or whatever.
Solution: Make 5 Handicapped Folks spaces to each store and make them sit in the power chairs when they arrive so they might get an easy in and out.
Enough about the handicapped.
Next up – Expectant Mothers
Well they should just walk. It’s good for both them and the unborn child. I don’t understand why folks should be rewarded with easy access parking spaces for not using contraceptives. What type of sh*it is that?
Between my beyond bad golfing and having an inner magnet attracting every asshole and weirdo within a 200 mile radius, forget a handicapped space -- I should be allowed to park in the fire lane so that I might run my hot arse back to the car, jump in, and swerve off.
Note to all women with one in the oven: I’ll do you a favor and enforce what most doctors recommend
WALK
Geesh - you already get away with acting like fire-breathing b*tches for 40 weeks.
Again, I will do you a favor and cut you off for your space with the cute little stork sign.
*before you go bashing, I am a parent, so YES – I HAVE been there and she weighed 8 pounds 11.5 ounces - 22 inches long*
Yup. I am parking right there only because I am not quite crazy enough (YET) to take the spots for the police vehicles. Point your finger at me – go ahead. Prove that I am not carrying a baby. What are you gonna make me do? Pee in a cup?
I strongly suggest the same tactics for overweight women, pudgy around the middle women, metro sexual men, and drag queens with attitude.
Say it with conviction ladies – this space is mine!!!
Don't you? Don't you?
I am always interested in what others obsess about. Last year, I was out with a then associate who voiced her wish to laugh and react as animated as I, (I am a MAJOR eyebrow raiser) and then, added she could not for fear of forehead lines (also known as brow wrinkles).
Then, she took the liberty of pointing out something to which I’d never taken notice…two thin lines across my forehead.
I sat in disbelief for a few moments, and then asked myself --- what type of person refrains from laughing, smiling, and frowning for fear of a line or two? Is she concerned about her appearance or more so concerned with others may think? What might cause such a deep rooted esteem issue that one might work against normal human reaction?
*hands on temples --- now, I am roused*
There she was. An attractive woman – sober introvert, drunken extrovert and borderline pervert. Maybe she could drop the slight bulge around the waistline (not that I, myself, am as tight as a drum anymore), but attractive nonetheless. Applying high-end under eye treatment about once every 20 minutes – shamelessly for all in the restaurant to see (while chain smoking, and drinking excessively, which both, of course, increase your chances of wrinkling).
*scratching head*
I then understood the strange vibe I picked up from time to time was not necessarily because she was misleading, but instead provided only half laughs since she wanted to protect herself from brow lines or crows feet.
I then had visions of this often time seen drunken in crowded public places, early 30 something year old woman yelling at the discount Botox party “Just kill the damned muscle and freeze it in place – I gotta go back to the bar in an hour!!!”
*sigh*
I took a good look at myself, smiled hard and long, twisted my mouth, and frowned for the mirror – I decided to name my two lines LIFE LINES – they show that I live and react to LIFE – good and bad. I enjoy.
We all may wish to grow old gracefully but to alter the show of emotions for the possibility – well that’s beyond extreme. Understand the dangers of negative self-talk. Forgive yourself for whatever you have or have not done.
Life --- it’s too short to drink cheap wine, put off improving relationships with Self, and waaayyy too f*cking short to count frown lines.
If sleeping is truly how our bodies clear out the mind, I am beyond twisted.
I am truly concerned when my dreams, in color, involve myself traveling to Amsterdam for a film festival, participating in the Queens Day Festival, and ending up naked on a cheap Ikea futon covered with wild smoked salmon looking up at Rachael Ray, who is wearing green liquid latex and a shit eating grin. Rachel was holding the remote to battery powered nipple clips - being worn by Stanley Milgram who was standing in the corner with his head leaned to one side. I screamed over and over again WAKE UP B*TCH. I almost peed my pants when I snapped out of THIS one.
I'm kinda scared to go back to sleep.
I'd rather have one of my notorious migraines.
I didn't eat anything strange -- just some salmon in a new herb garlic marinate I've been tweaking for perfection (and almost there!!).
*my brother thinks I just need Jesus - snicker*
*Def Leppard's Anthem to s*x "Pour Some Sugar On Me" has to be the most disgusting thing they have ever put together, but dayum I love that song and its been stuck in my head all week*
Sensitive men make me wanna puke.
I find most men more sensitive than most women. When men complain about most things I translate their actions as being whiney or girlie. Maybe I shouldn't think this way, but I do.
I will happily compliment a man's life, but will not take on the burden of making him feel complete (whatever he thinks that is). A man must feed his own ego. I am not here to lessen his stress - he should be able to manage his own life and take on a few things from my things as well.
Sorry. I don't validate.
I find humor in the competitiveness of men - and I also see it as a sign of weakness. If I had a penis, I wouldn't bother with the peacock routine - I'd just lay down my alpha-maleness - mentally, spiritually, and physically. Bend over, and take this!
I don't like men who talk too much - I've found many men lately with this female characteristic. I accepted some time ago that most men don't communicate best by talking or listening and I don't expect extra oral communications from them - most realistic women have realized this defect and made changes accordingly. I am adjusted now. I don't appreciate nature mutating this magnificent male gene. Who the hell wants to debate with a man who makes sense?
Mother Nature, fix it back please.
Women complained and complained and complained about insensitive men and now we are surrounded by a bunch of whiney metrosexuals. I liked the culture where my high end facial moisturizer was safe and sound at a man's house until I returned.
I recall an ex telling me I was insensitive to his feelings. I informed him that I was insensitive towards his feelings because he just had too damned many of them.
Unlike most women, I don't assume someone should become more or less sensitive as time moves along. I take a hard long look in the start and expect nothing more - which is why I don't bother with most.
You can not change someone's way of thinking - period. You may be able to alter some habits, and oftentimes habit changes are temporary --- but the way of thinking will never change. It will no doubt rear its head.
I don't think most men want sensitive partners - they just think they do.
I'm not very sweet, pink and fuzzy I guess. I have not accepted the "normal" boundaries of tolerance - against the grain - in use of on my own principles.
Maybe someone should pour some sugar on me.
Okay - maybe not THAT severe, but there are a few things I don't care for --not in order of importance, here goes:
1. Cabbage (smells like farts)
2. Coupon people in express lanes
3. Damaged people who want SWEAR they are ready for relationships, are not, and then linger around for 6 months after you are done with their arses
4. Drunk lesbians (straight when sober, but watch out for tit and arse pinches and open mouth kisses once they are drunk)
5. Metrosexuals (didn't I tell you to ASK before borrowing my clear nail polish and tweezers?? DAMN! And who used the last of my Tigi Bedhead Moisture Maniac?? You closet cross-dresser!)
6. Morning people (grrrr! what's so damned good about it??)
7. Nonoxynol-9 (throws off my ecosystem -- out of commission for several weeks)
8. Oatmeal (looks like dandruff)
9. Paranoid people (yeah -- you)
10. Poodles (forget about the Rotweillers - these little f*ckers are REALLY Satan's dogs)
11. Public restrooms (OMG! Grab the ultra violet light -- is that piss on the toilet paper roll??)
12. Rental cops with no significant security clearances whatsoever (you cant even catch a cold -- LOSER)
13. Strippers with stretch marks (they should give me a dollar and buy me a drink -- certain things I can see at home)
14. Toll booths and toll booth attendants (always messing up my good 100 mile per hour stroll -- I see them there and wanna speed up as if a squirrel is in the road)
15. West Virginia State Troopers (they jump out from behind mountains with those hand-held speed cams "going hard" in the middle of the road)
16. When my Silver Bullet burns out (this is a very bad thing at 3am -- the frustration makes you wanna go to work the next day and fire someone)
17. When people are too old to drive, but still do so (sorry Grandma but a car accident involving a deer every year for the past 4 years might indicate YOU are the problem)
18. When people blast music while driving (especially gangsta rap or other music demeaning of women or using the words n*gger or b*tch -- save that for the bedroom please -- thank you)
19. When people repeat themselves (can you hear me??)
20. When people repeat themselves (can you hear me??)
There's more truth in the way that you lie But you take a stab at all that's surrounding your mind Can't you sweep this shit to the side
- Candlebox's "Happy Pills"
Oh. Welcome to Extroversion 101/Narcissism 202 or The Virtues of Selfishness
Now that a friend created this blog I have my fingers crossed that I will keep up with this place. When too busy, I will post links to interesting sites.
*sigh*
We extroverts require interaction, but I realized last year what others think matters very little, if at all, so here I am ---- and will undoubtedly delete any responses not to my liking - now what?
*snicker*
My range is immense.
I am sexy, witty, sarcastic, spirited, and frank, detest soap operas, watch tons of Food Network and History Channel – and am armed with a well worked online DVD rental account (I love documentary, independent, foreign, drama and some comedy films).
I am giving yet selfish - moody and almost always right.
I am a food and wine epicure. I enjoy restaurant and wine events in my area, but as work keeps me close to home I am limited to the vineyards a few hours away (and yes, I am there religiously). I have been known to shiver with strong feelings of pleasure after a long trip to Dean & Deluca (far better than panty sniffing) – at times expressing vocally (the women who “perform” in the Herbal Essence commercials can’t top my notorious Dean & Deluca episodes). I love the bed and breakfast and cabins of a few hours away for impromptu day/weekend trips – grab a change of clothing, get the picnic basket, and let’s pack the car and go!
I have a few good friends - most are men, and I love being “The Woman”.
I enjoy traveling (though time has not permitted it lately), talking, hiking, fishing, camping (this side wins over the epicurean and sees nothing wrong with devouring dried or canned meats), and, most of all, I enjoy just lying around armed with a remote pretending to not hear my phone ring.
I love all types of music, but can take rap, blue grass, ragtime, heavy metal in small doses only.