I thought I was miserable with all of the rain in this area and seriously considering purchasing a boat. A friend called and explained to me that he was having an ark built and had already purchased two of everything except women. I told him that I would get back with him on that – but then all of a sudden, away went the awful water and the sun is beaming down on us with a vengeance.
..And then. A new issue. I have been sweating a lot in strange places.
Seriously.
Luckily since I use baby wipes after using the can, there is no smell -- just sweat. I’ve heard that botox cuts back on perspiration in certain areas, but what do you do when the area in question is the top of your arse crack?
It’s not that I am overweight. I mean, shit – I’ve dropped a few pounds recently, and made quick close friends with a size 5.
*pose*
Yesterday, when I tried to get out of my car, after a mere 30 minute drive up 66, my legs were almost fused to the leather seat. Of course I was wearing khaki shorts and they no longer fit as nicely as when I sat in the car because of perspiration.
*bummer*
Granted, I had the top down, but the very top of my arse crack, and legs have been giving a bit too much lately – I am not sure it’s all about the sun and the leather combination.
Maybe it’s my recent increase of water intake. I haven’t the slightest f*cking idea.
I mentioned this to an associate, and she suggested I place a cotton ball in the top of my arse crack. Another associate suggested I not lotion the back of my legs.
I had visions of me forgetting about the cotton ball and making a sudden move at happy hour causing the cotton ball to pop out and hit the floor.
Though my friends and associates realize I have a few screws loose, I think that a cotton ball popping from my arse crack would be a bit too much for them to see – even from the likes of me.
This is about as confusing as when my breasts grew at age 22 and then I found out the hard way that you have to clean very well under your tah tah’s or that area becomes a quite unpleasant place. This may sound crazy for those of you who have always had breasts – but coming from a less than A cup to a C was quite traumatic for me and I had no idea I was sweating under there.
But arse sweat is far worse than tit sweat.
I truly think that arse sweat is the devil's spawn.
*someone help me please*