No Big Surprise

and this may shock you…but you think I haven’t noticed?

I am more saddened than shocked. It hit me hard, of course, but it wasn’t quite like the blast of cold that slaps you when you first jump into the lake in January…its like being in the water as it slowly turns to ice…my skin is numb at this point. the cold is burning, but very nearly comforting, in its own way. at least I am aware. sort of.

I was trying to understand what was keeping me from just being. one and one, dig? and I couldn’t, until you updated. the physical connection is a manifestation of the emotional and mental and spiritual, and obviously, something is not as it should be. I don’t know what. Its almost like you can’t relax, and neither can I. You and I are thinking too much. I think.

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