Ask Omerta: Initial Solicitation


I am starting a new feature on this site, where you can send me questions,ask for advice, etc, and I’ll answer them as bestas I can…just email me and ask your questions, and I’ll select the best ones to answer on here…I’d like to do this once a month, but I probably won’t get that many questions, so let’s just start with the first one and see where it goes from there, ok?

like magellan

Ever seen those “Gellin'” commercials from Dr. Scholl’s? where the two guys get in a car accident, a black man and a white man, and they both get out of the car and look at each other for a second, and make small talk with words that rhyme with “gellin'”? Have you ever seen two straight men look at each other and smile and make small talk like that? In all your natural life?

Me neither.

a complete explanation of my personality, in quiz form.

kiss my ass2
congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny. You don’t care about anyone or anything.
You must be so proud

which happy bunny are you?
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Your a Demon! Heh, really, what on earth did you
answer? Oh well…Demons are evil, mischevious,
spiteful, malicious, dark, or just plain bad
creatures. They abide in shadows and cemetaries
and to hide from wary eyes, become one with a
shadow. Appearences may vary. Some are horned
red or blac fearsoem creatures with whiplash
tounges, others look like clogs of smog, and
others look like cream and when it hits coffee
kind of effect. Eitherway, Demons swoop around,
causing jvoc and Choas, and have no good side.
You have been warned.

What Mythical Beast are you?
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You are Lust!
Sexy!! But they say that theres such a thing as too
much of a good thing. You have sex on the
brain, and it doesn’t stay just there for long.
Passionate, Fiery – and most certainly
confident. You’re a fun loving, spontaneous
person who is always up for a laugh. People
however, have trouble keeping up with you.
You’re sex crazy, and perhaps need to tone it
down a bit! learn a little self control!
But, Hey, Congratulations on being the Sexiest Red
Hot deadly sin out of all the 7…

?? Which Of The Seven Deadly Sins Are You ??
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Which bad girl of the Bible are you?
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You are Beast of the X-men!

With all that knowledge upstairs it’s hard to
relate to people. Sometimes you just find
yourself enjoying a lab expeiriements. you are
an adventurer anda great friend!

Which of the X-men do you resemble most?
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You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.

What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
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your asshole.

What swear word are you?
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The Tumult of the Time Disconsolate

there is purgatory. and then there is hell.

purgatory is the student health center line and waiting for 3 and a half hours to gain even the simplest of understandings as to why an infernal medical hold has been misplaced on my student account, preventing me from registering. purgatory is the 45 dollar parking ticket surely awaiting me on my return to my lovely nissan, earned because to leave the health center, thereby losing both my place in line and my ability to re-enter the building again today, was a fate I was not quite ready to face. purgatory is the hu beauracracy, beating down we humble and humiliated students, year after year after year after year. purgatory is the bullshit forms. bullshit lines. bullshit shots. and bullshit people in lab coats who clearly have no reasonable business interacting with the public. purgatory is a tuberculosis scare, and expired tests.

hell is bonita perry, who drove all the way from mobile alabama (she says) to atlanta, whereupon she took a flight to dc to share her words with us in line, to talk and talk, about absolutely nothing of any worth or substance. with her spellman t-shirt, her 44 years of life, her 4th from the bottom of page 8. and no, you cannot film us for your home viewing enjoyment, miss perry.

and I promise you, purgatory ain’t got shit on hell.

Fuck a Perm

fuck law school. fuck my job, my roommates and sprint pcs. fuck b.e.t. fuck critics of b.e.t. who aren’t even fuckin’ black. fuck essentialist notions of blackness. fuck copycats. fuck dreadlocks. fuck stupidity, bullshit and selfishness. fuck weird girls and fuck plagiarism. fuck mayor williams. fuck verizon and fuck bank of america. fuck 65.207.0.#. fuck 205.247.35.#, too. fuck exes. fuck american idol, fuck mr. personality…matter of fact, fuck reality tv, reality movies, and reality all around. fuck living in a fantasy. fuck charles and ray eames. fuck being the “black” anything. fuck the police. fuck being different for no good goddamn reason. fuck being just like everyone else. fuck dichotomies and duality. fuck yin, and muthafuck a yang, too. fuck both sides of the coin. fuck art with a capital a. fuck filth. fuck jim crow.

fuck president bush up his fuckin’ ass. fuck iraq. fuck iraqi most wanted playing cards, and fuck the moron that invented them. fuck the new graphics every network created for the war, and while you are at it, fuck the networks. fuck jingoism. fuck the abc/tnt/espn troika for fuckin’ with the nba playoffs so regular people can’t watch any goddamn games if they don’t have cable. fuck lazy fuckers. fuck the sacramento kings. fuck tim duncan. fuck jay-z, ja rule, nelly, celine dion, 50 cent, erykah badu, kelly clarkson and clay aiken. fuck the new black. fuck fantasy sports leagues. fuck shitty websites. fuck self-proclaimed creative types. fuck my landlord and my boss and fuck massa. fuck scalia, thomas, and rehnquist.

fuck the bad economy. fuck the digital millennium copyright act and the sonny bono copyright extension act. fuck dial-up. fuck allergies. fuck bean sprouts. fuck tuna fish and all other canned meat products. fuck spam. fuck spam. fuck spam. fuck penis enlargements, secret nigerian financial scams, and unsolicited pornography. fuck tellin’ em’ why you mad, son. fuck overbearing people. fuck suffocation. fuck immediately. fuck early. fuck often. fuck this, fuck that and fuck you.

and most importantly, fuck haters.


*sigh* I wish I had more to say than that, but this weekend–no, more specifically, this day–has been one of myriad ups and downs. pushing and pulling. pots and kettles. plus no one has visited my page today. not even my girlfriend. for the non-narcissists out there, I forgive you for failing to understand why one may be somewhat, oh, how to put it, well, wounded really, by such a thing as the lack of random people to fall ever so consistently into my rabbithole of a site. its not your [the non-narcissists] fault, really, you don’t need the constant attention we self-absorbed millions require. scratch that. make it billions.

of course, all this ranting and raving is most likely a manifestation of my own profound neediness, and the lack of reassurance from within or without is guiding my hand as a type each pixelated pontification. but whatever. it could just as easily be a lack of food that is causing this ridiculous emotional harangueing. so fuck it…I am going to go get a butterfinger.


Bank of America is the worst damn corporate entity in the free world. Yes, worse than Verizon. More evil than Disney. Also, slightly not as good as the Tic Tock liquor store in Hyattsville.


Sharpies™ are my favorite markers
Brown and blue and red and darker
They really are the best of pens
Thick or thin, it just depends
They’re permanent and oh so black
With a stench Crayolas™ lack
They scribble on near anything
They’re good for art, or doodling
Thank you Sanford™ for this gift
Your felt tip’s swell and nontoxic
And though they may seep through the page
Get a Sharpie™, they’re all the rage.

3 Fortune Cookie Fortunes, 12-20-02

“A new outlook brightens your image and brings new friends.”
Lucky Numbers 15, 16, 17, 34, 35, 37

“Great acts of kindess will befall you in the coming months.”
Lucky Numbers 3, 7, 19, 31, 33, 38

“Trust your intuition. The universe is guiding your life.”
Lucky Numbers 7, 18, 20, 31, 32, 44

Now, add “in bed” to the end of those, and let’s call it a night. Peace in the Middle East.

The Cockroach Smokes the Wacky Weed

read the lyrics to “La Cucaracha“:

La cucaracha, la cucaracha,
Ya no puede caminar;
Porque no tiene, porque le falta
Marijuana que fumar.

Ya murio la cucaracha,
Ya la llevan a enterrar,
Entre cuatro zopilotes
Y un raton de sacristan.

Con las barbas de Carranza,
Voy a hacer una toquilla,
Pa’ ponersela al sombrero
De su padre Pancho Villa.

Un panadero fue a misa,
No encontrando que rezar,
Le pidio a la Virgen pura,
Marijuana pa’ fumar.

Una cosa me da risa:
Pancho Villa sin camisa;
Ya se van los carrancistas
Porque vienen los villistas.

Para sarapes, Saltillo;
Chihuahua para soldados;
Para mujeres, Jalisco;
Para amar, toditos lados.

I wish I spoke Spanish. there is something sinister there, I just can’t figure out what it is. Marijuana? That’s illegal. I think. No, I don’t smoke. No, I never tried it. Well, maybe, I suppose I could have had a contact…would you cut it out already????? SHEESH.